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hmmm   
08:02pm 01/03/2006
  the car's on fire and there's no driver at the wheel
and the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides
and a dark wind blows

the government is corrupt
and we're on so many drugs
with the radio on and the curtains drawn

we're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine
and the machine is bleeding to death

the sun has fallen down
and the billboards are all leering
and the flags are all dead at the top of their poles

it went like this:

the buildings tumbled in on themselves
mothers clutching babies picked through the rubble
and pulled out their hair

the skyline was beautiful on fire
all twisted metal stretching upwards
everything washed in a thin orange haze

i said: "kiss me, you're beautiful -
these are truly the last days"

you grabbed my hand and we fell into it
like a daydream or a fever

we woke up one morning and fell a little further down -
for sure it's the valley of death

i open up my wallet
and it's full of blood
 
     

(1 found themselves | lost)

 
   
09:34pm 27/01/2006
  There are times when I'm just a shell
When I do not feel anything for anyone
All I feel is hollow and bruised
Used up and misused
Forced to be someone I don't want to be
Have I failed somehow or some way
Will the weight of today finally pull me down to drown
In the depths of despair
Where I am alone
Except for my rage
 
     

(lost)

 
good quotes   
08:44pm 23/01/2006
  "Organized religion is a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers. It tells people to go out and stick their noses in other people's business." ~ Jesse "the body" Ventura American politician, Navy seal and Professional wrestler

"The pioneers and missionaries of religion have been the real cause of more trouble and war than all other classes of mankind." ~Edgar Allan Poe

"Christianity is the most ridiculous, the most absurd and bloody religion that has ever infected the world." ~Voltaire

"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?" ~ Epicurus [341–270 B.C.] Greek philosopher
 
     

(lost)

 
   
10:08pm 18/01/2006
  'Remember the primary laws of physics: every force begets an equal and opposite force. If you perform an act of grace, you buck the system. It's like throwing the gauntlet to Satan. All kinds of hell can come looking for you.' ~Ken Bruen 'The Guards'  
     

(lost)

 
.........   
09:43pm 11/11/2005
 
mood: blah
so i went to golfland last week to play a few rounds of miniature golf and i see all these couples everywhere. all of them are being lovey-dovey, mushy-gushy and happy. this made me feel bitter, depressed and i also had a sudden urge to want to vomit from the sight of them. i wish i had the power to send them all to the corn field.....
 
     

(1 found themselves | lost)

 
i'll show them   
08:19pm 19/09/2005
 
mood: aggravated
one day i'll prove to all of those bastards that i knew what i was talking about and envisioning. all of them that doubted me or condescended to me will have nothing more to say.
 
     

(1 found themselves | lost)

 
   
10:22pm 21/08/2005
  i still feel broken  
     

(1 found themselves | lost)

 
   
07:48pm 29/05/2005
 
mood: pessimistic
i'm not okay and i'm down to none
 
     

(3 found themselvess | lost)

 
heh   
10:53pm 20/04/2005
  did you know that the current pope enlisted in the hitler youth group at age 14. not that i give a shit about the vatican but i find it ironic  
     

(lost)

 
   
11:33pm 11/04/2005
  last entry was bad. i'm doing good now.  
     

(1 found themselves | lost)

 
meh   
09:28pm 20/03/2005
  alright here's an update on me. spring break went too fast and is now over, i don't like going to school, work is monotonous, my room is still messy and full of crap that i continue to try and get rid of, i haven't even had time to workout lately, a long relaxing and uninterrupted night of sleep is a thing of the past and my insomnia persists, the weird and sometimes disturbing dreams continue to be present, all of these emotions and random thoughts make it impossible for me to do accomplish anything, i feel fucked up mentally physically and emotionally. that's it for now, maybe i'll feel better later.  
     

(2 found themselvess | lost)

 
hmm   
08:27pm 23/12/2004
  i went to the gym earlier today and i saw a guy i knew from high school that i hadn't seen in a really long time. i asked him how he was doing and what he has been up to lately. he said that he had been in the army for about eight months now. he also said how he got married last june. right now he's stationed with his wife in alaska and got leave for christmas to see his family here. once he gets back he's gonna get transfered to north carolina and continue on to do training to become a green beret. he's liking his time in the army and is excited to become a green beret and he's loving the married life. i'm very happy for him that he's enjoying being married and being in the army.

a few years back while i was finishing up high school i was very close to enlisting. i wanted to be in special forces, it didn't matter which branch but i just wanted to be the best of the best and go on special ops missions. however, beginning of senoir year during wrestling practice i tore my left deltoid and rotator cuff. that fucked up a lot of things, but that's another story. a couple months ago i had to do emissions for my car and i couldn't find the damn place so i stopped at the only building in the area, which happened to be a recruiting station. so i got directions from the guy and then of course he has to throw in his speech asking me about school and work and have i considered enlisting. and before i could even blink i had my arms full of packets and books and whatever the hell else. i looked at the stuff for a few seconds and threw it away when i got home, it was the reserves anyways and i wasn't interested. every so often i still think of joining. mostly i just want to test myself and know that i can do it all and be good at it. but then i think of everyone that i would have to leave behind and i decide against it and choose to stay un-enlisted for a while longer. things are going pretty good right now and i don't wanna mess anything up. so i'm gonna stay here whether you guys like it or not :p
 
     

(2 found themselvess | lost)

 
finally done   
03:36pm 13/12/2004
  bloody knuckles, burnt hands, smashed fingers, chemical welder burns, minimal sleep plus two long weekends and you too can have custom built dual exhaust. it's finally done and it's awesome. that has been my last two weekends. finals week now and then freedom. too bad i'll still have to work but money is always helpful when saving up. and i got a hold of a supercharger so that'll be going on my car soon. gonna be hanging out more over this break. probably race around ahwatukee a lot. doing that in the rx-8 last night was really fun. still need to register for next semester but i have an idea of which classes i want to take. i think i have two finals tonight, not sure but either way i most likely won't study. if i don't know it by know i won't learn it in an hour. christmas is almost here, need to go shopping. oh and last week christine and summer seran wrapped my car and wrote stuff in shaving cream. hahaha, i thought it was pretty funny. will update some more later.  
     

(1 found themselves | lost)

 
   
08:59pm 27/11/2004
  ok yes, i do need to update more often, here goes. my dad went to slovakia for a week on a business trip to go and fix some semiconductor equipment and train some people. school is alright, can't wait for it to be over. work at napa is pretty good,everyone there is fun to be around and the boss is really nice and easy to talk to. trying to save as much money as i can right now. been goign to wrestling practice as much as i can, very good workout and i like it. had a nice thanksgiving, went to my dad's parent's house in the morning and then we came back to our house and did it all over again with some people from my mom's side of the family. oh, and i finished reading 'smack' which is a really kick ass book and everyone should read it. and that's all i can think of right now...  
     

(2 found themselvess | lost)

 
hmm   
11:22pm 11/11/2004
  just got back from hanging out with some old friends from high school........like being alone in a crowded room  
     

(6 found themselvess | lost)

 
   
09:38pm 06/11/2004
  *sigh*  
     

(2 found themselvess | lost)

 
very bored...   
10:36pm 28/10/2004
  You are Slackware Linux. You are the brightest among your peers, but are often mistaken as insane.  Your elegant solutions to problems often take a little longer, but require much less effort to complete.
Which OS are You?
 
     

(lost)

 
bored....   
10:26pm 28/10/2004
  You are .dll You are dynamic.  You are constantly in danger of bringing down the house, because you don't play well with others.
Which File Extension are You?
 
     

(lost)

 
hey   
04:28pm 27/10/2004
  Yes, it's been a while since i updated, very sorry. So, after having my car in the shop for about 6 weeks it has finally returned to me, yay. Has an awesome fiberglass hood on it now. Turned 21 last friday. Had a party at my house on that friday too. My friend steve got some leave from the marines so i got to hang out with him for a while, haven't seen him in such a long time. Napa is going alright, just wish i got paid more. School is, well.....almost over :p. This month has gone by really fast, but that's ok because it get's us that much closer to next summer. Crap, mind went blank. I wanna start going to swing dance and salsa lessons. Oh yeah, also went and saw my cousin peter the other day. Drove really fast around town in the middle of the night. Lots of fun. Need to get my new engine soon. He also got his hands on some dual exhaust for my car. So we should be putting that on soon. Dashboard Confessional is awesome, just had to say that. Need to hurry and figure out what I'm taking for classes next semester. And uhmm i still have german hw to do, so i'll update more later.  
     

(lost)

 
update time   
10:49am 28/09/2004
  Alright, so i haven't updated in a while. Been meaning to, just kept forgetting. Here it is. Been working a lot at NAPA, getting 40+ hours there, doing night school at mcc and then a saturday class at cgcc, plus picking up a shift once in a while at starbucks, also i try to workout in between it all..... oh yeah almost forgot, i sleep sometimes too :p. It's not that bad, have a routine figured out so things are going alright. Got into a car accident a few weeks ago. Was a five car pile up on the 101 and i happened to be the last car. So I'm also dealing with everything that goes with that. Uhmm....mind just went blank. Will update again once I get some sleep and time.
Love you all
 
     

(6 found themselvess | lost)